Previously on nip/tuck...
You ever screwed on nitrous?
It's dangerous.
You can trust me.
I'm an anesthesiologist.
You two some sort of couple now?
They offered me a deal at penetrate.
To do porn?
We just had to snatch her up.
How's my baby doing?
The tumor has spread to the supraclavicular lymph nodes.
Give me a ballpark.
6 months.
What are you doing here?
I want you to marry me.
Tell us what you don't like about yourself,ms. Blaylock.
Me first,I guess.
What is that?Something bite you?
Yeah.My bad.
You did that?
I was trying to match the one she gave me.
That's a good thing you had italian for lunch.
That garlic breath might be the only thing that saves us.
That's hollywood bullshit.
We love garlic as much as anyone else.
The sun doesn't melt us.
We don't get burned by holy water.
And looking at crosses is no big deal.
So,you're vampires.
Ok.
If you have to label us,
we prefer to be called sangs,not vampires.
And you actually drink each other's blood?
We have routine blood work done,
so we know we're not sharing any diseases.
We just pierce the skin and offer each other a taste.
It's our intimacy,
sharing this most sacred of bodily fluids.
But last week,we took it too far.
I'll say.
You realize how close you got to her artery?
I hit it.
By mistake.
Take me.
The paramedics had to come.
The vascular surgeons stopped the bleeding,
but the E.R.Docs did a horrible job suturing the skin.
It took me almost losing her
to realize that we'd gone too far with the blood lust.
Like addicts.
Our behavior's become dangerous and we need to stop it.
So,you're off the blood?
Congrats.
Sneer if you like,doctor.
But the restorative powers of blood can be
kind of addicting,you know?
You get this immediate rush.
Your color changes.
It can restore your heart,your liver,kidneys.
We're familiar with the effects of transfusion.
We were just hoping to preserve ourselves,
to stay young and vital as long as possible.
As plastic surgeons,you should relate.
The idea of chasing immortality is something you make a killing off of.
Hey.
It's,9:00.
Where are you?
there's my little honey bunny.
Sorry I'm late,darling.I was on a winnin' streak.
Just couldn't tear myself away.
And don't get started on how i have a gambling problem.
No,it isn't a problem unless you lose.
And tonight,baby,I won big.
you and this little lady.
And she decided to spend her winnings by getting rid of her saddlebags.
Walked right in here after hitting the jackpot.
You are a genius.You know that,harland?
I mean,where else but in vegas can you get your thighs sucked at 9:00 at night?
Hey,sugar,I think that was your idea.
And it was a good one.
When in rome.
I mean,if 2 people can get married in an elvis chapel at 4:00 in the morning
-- Congratulations,dixie.
Very exciting.
I know.
Now,sugar,how's your aunt doing?
The doctors say it won't be long now.
You're a good girl,dixie.
That's why I love you.
I just hope she appreciates your visits.
Now,let's get this show on the road.
The sooner we play doctor,the sooner we can play doctor....
What?
What are you waiting for?
She wants to know the truth.
He's all nervous about hurting your feelings,but me?
I don't have that problem.
You're a relic and we want you out of our bed.
-Shut up,you stupid skank. -Hey,no drama in here.Look.
Eden and I have been talking this over.
Talking about the future.
Talking about a lot of things.The bottom line,baby
--this is not working out.
You're breaking up with me?
Yes.
Let me guess why.
'Cause your face is like an old purse from all that horrible tanning booth damage,
your hair is like the hay I feed my horse,
and your knees kind or resemble a circus elephant.
I should be feeding you peanuts.
Wait till you turn 30,horseface.
They'll be putting you on a train right to the glue factory.
And for your information,
christian troy,my ex,who happens to be the best plastic surgeon in the city,
told me 2 weeks ago he couldn't find one thing that needs improvement on me.
In fact,I was probably the most gorgeous woman,
perfect woman,that he has ever seen for her age.
For.Her.Age.
Ram.
You gotta get realistic here.
Kimmy,there does come a time
when there's no more procedures,no more plastic surgery.
Youth goes away.
And when you've been trying to keep ahold of it as much as you have,
it's no longer sexy.
It's just desperate.
You know what?
You've just done me a big favor.
I am a symbol of sensuality,glamour,and power,
and I have been wasting my time with you two low-rent,scumbag assholes.
I don't need you anymore,ram.
I will survive.
No,in fact,I am going to thrive without you.
The legend of kimber henry will live forever.
We have to do a little muscle repair,
resect the skin here and here.
You all right?
Here,babe.
Have some.
I'm afraid to ask.What is that stuff?
What is this shit,legend?
It's got all the vegetables and minerals we need.
I thought you were giving me the blood from a steak or something.
We are weaning ourselves off,remember?
I guess I won't be needing these anymore.
Biowaste.
I'll dispose of them.
What about yours?
Must be a bitch to floss.
Mine are the real thing.
Dentist has to file them down next week.
Well,if there are no more questions,
dr.Mcnamara will see you in surgery.
You're cool.
Most people get off on judging us.
Live and let live.
Emphasis on "live.
" You only go around once.
I've figured out a way to live forever.
Cryogenics?
I'm gonna need your help.
When you see that I'm close,you have to call the cryogenics company.
Any time,24/7.
But you have to time it right,sean.
I'm counting on you.
He's ready.
The standby team will come to the house,
pack me in ice to prevent ischemic damage,and transport me to a storage location.
They'll prepare me,then place me in my cryostat.
The liquid nitrogen will freeze my body and put me in a state of suspended animation.
My cells,still rich with oxygen.
My cancer will be frozen,unable to multiply.
A troysicle!
I tell you what.Is jabba the hut gonna hang you on his wall?
I'm serious about this.
I mean,think about all the advancements they've made in cancer research in the past 10 years.
I mean,10,20 years from now,they'll have got a cure.
And then what?
And then they'll revive me.
Make me healthy again.
Dad?
I'll be able to see wilber go to college.
I'll be able to play with matt's kids.
Our grandchildren.
This is why you haven't helped me with the wedding?
Christian.
I understand that you're afraid of dying.
We are all afraid of you dying and what life is going to be without you,but
is there any scientific evidence that this procedure works?
And what effect do you think liquid nitrogen
at a temperature close to absolute zero is gonna have on your skin?
How much is all this going to cost?
There's a $200,000 initiation fee and it's 5 grand a month after that.
-Jesus.-what?You got any better suggestions of how I should spend my money?
Well,I don't know.
Maybe leave it to the people who are gonna still be alive?
You are such a spoiled little dick.
Is that all you care about?My money?
-No,christian. -I mean,no,that's fine.
Take it.
Here you go.Here's 20.Another one.
Here you go.Take that.Have it.
Take it all.Here you go.
look at all this money you can have.
Is this enough money for you?
You little dick!
-Look. -Take it all.
It's amazing,man.
Even dying doesn't make you any less of an asshole.
But it's good.
What are you doing?
I'm meeting with an ice sculptor.
Sean,would you please talk him out of this?
You know,any time you spend searching for immortality,
you miss out on a little bit you actually have left.
Just come to the place and see it with me.
Sorry I'm late.
No excuses.
Just sorry.
At least you're consistent.
Ok.
If you're ready?
Yeah.
Hit it,linda.
*My vampire,my vampire's fine My vampire,my vampire's ok*
*no,it's all a mess,don't know if I should undress the wounds you want to caress,I made it to the other side,*
*now i don't hurt no more and you try knock down tt door,you should have been there before,I made it to the other side *
-Look,sean,I know that you're mad at -Look,if you want out,just say it.
You know?
Don't make me wait for you with a wok full of burnt stir fry and half-lit candles.
Don't make me feel more like a fool than I already do.
My not showing up is not a comment on the evening's entertainment.
My aunt died.
We were close.
Did your cell phone die along with her?
I am sorry if my first thought wasn't about you,sean.
It's been overwhelming.
I had to fly to houston and identify the body,
make funeral arrangements.
I've been a wreck.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry,too.
Why don't we try it again tonight?
I'll make you one of her famous dishes and you can be dessert.
-Hello.-Hi.
Could you put her in the playpen,please,and give me a hand?
Hey,beautiful.
Um,you know it's not my day to watch her,right?
Yeah,I know.
Well,I'm not dropping her off for you to watch her.
She's gonna move in with you,but just for,like,2 weeks,ok?
And I have her high chair in the car,so will you come get it?
wait a minute.
m-move in?
Yeah.Do you have a problem with that?
She is your daughter.
Well,wait a minute.Look.
You--you can't just barge in here and expect me to drop everything.
Matt,please.
Ram kicked me out,ok?
So,I don't have a place to live and I need to find an apartment,
and the good ones,they don't like it when you bring the little squealer.
He really kick you out?
He said I was too old.
Do you think I look too old?
I think you're beautiful.
You've always been beautiful to me.
I have an idea.
Why don't we get a place together?
The 3 of us,like a family.
Matt,are you on meth again?
Because you're acting high.
Come on.
What?Because I don't have a place to live,
you think I don't have a life or a future?
Now,will you go get her high chair?
No,I can't go get her high chair.
And you know what,kimber?Jenna can't stay here.
Why?
Christian's getting married.
There's a lot of things happening.
W-what do you mean,christian's getting married?To who?
To liz.
Dyke liz?Ok.You're high.
The invitation's on the counter if you want to take a look.
Liz and christian?
Why?
He's dying,kimber.
The cancer came back.He's got maybe 6 months.
You know,liz has really been there and she wants to take care of him,you know?
Before he,uh...
So,he's really dying?
The main difference in texas chili is that it doesn't have beans.
jesus.
I'm on fire!
Aunt dot always said that it was always about the chili pepper.
maybe that's what killed her.
Sorry.
I--that was pretty-- Funny.
Funny.Actually.
My aunt had such a great sense of humor.
She accepted that no man was ever going to be there for her,
so she decided that she would be there for herself.
And that being alone didn't mean being lonely and miserable,
and that no man was ever going to hurt her or take away her spirit ever again.
You know,I have to call liz and tell her
that I can't make it to the wedding because it's the same day as the funeral.
You want me to come with you?
No,sean.
Christian is your best friend and he needs you.
Life trumps death every time,right?
Right.
You can be vulnerable with me.
Thank you.
I appreciate that,but right now,I do not want to bring us down.
I want to bring us up.
Hold that thought.Hold that thought.
my god.
Do you need that to get off with me?
No.
It just heightens the orgasm.
What?
I just think it's a little dangerous.
I am an expert in n2o's anesthetic effects.I know what I'm doing.
Do you?
You have your 2 glasses of wine to get high.
And I have this.
What's it feel like?
There's no pain.
It's pure escape.
There's no peer pressure here,sean.
You don't have to prove anything.
I know who you are and I accept that.
Just like I hope you accept me.
I'd only eat half of that if you want to fit into your wedding dress.
It's an old modeling trick of mine.
My gown is custom made.
And I thought you didn't wear any clothes in most of your modeling.
You know,when I heard about christian's upcoming wedding to you,
I started to feel a bit nostalgic.
Do you remember when I had my first surgery in miami?
You warned me about christian.
You told me he was no good and i was just one in a long line of girls he had screwed and screwed over.
What's your point?
My point is,you were wrong about him and I then and you're wrong about us now.
He doesn't love you,liz.
I mean,I'm sure he loves the idea of you playing nursemaid,but hmm.
I'm the one he really loves.
You are so pathetic.
Who's pathetic?
The woman who's marrying a man because he's dying
or the one he closes his eyes and thinks about while he's screwing you?
Wait.Wait a second.
You don't have to marry him,liz.
I will.I'll take care of him.
Christian is gonna be 100 pounds in 3 months,and he's gonna need somebody to wipe his ass.
-Now,I'm sure you're a wizard at oral sex,but do you think you're up to that?-Yes!
This is my chance to redeem myself with him.
I love him,liz.
I always have and I always will.
I'm on to you,sweetie.
Matt told me about eden and the panderer who threw you out on your bleached little ass.
You don't want christian.
You want the warm embrace of his wallet.
Are you so vapid,are you so unable to make it on your own
that you would sink your fangs into a dying man?
Well,I am not gonna let you suck one more drop of blood from him.
This isn't over,butch.
If you come near me or my fiance,
I'm gonna show you just how butch I can get.
Dr. Troy,are you ready to see your future?
I thought it would be bigger.
Well,the hardware is still extremely expensive,
and though you and I agree that this is the ticket to extending life,
the clientele with the forethought and financial wherewithal is limited.
Now,doctor,here's your portal.
The az-6294.
It's one of our newest.
Christian,you might want to see this.
There's an old jewish guy in my tank.
Yes,there's someone in every tank.
We're at full capacity.
Dr. Troy,meet herb schlansky.
-He's your eternity roommate.-No.
I--I want my own tank.I--I'll pay more.
I mean,don't you have like a one bedroom or something?
No. No,no,no.That's--that's not possible.
As I said,we're at full capacity.
There was nothing in your literature about sharing a tank.
I mean,what if they find a cure for this guy first and they have to thaw him.
How do they keep me frozen?
I'm--I'm sure we'll figure something out.
I didn't even like it with you as a roommate.
What the hell was I thinking?
You're scared.
You're reaching out for some phantom hand to keep you from falling into the abyss.
It's normal.It's just
not going to make any difference.
Sean,I've lived my life like I've had some kind of death wish.
You know?I mean,drug abuse,unsafe sex.I drink vodka like it's water.
If I could fit into a tailored gucci suit without working out,I'd never step inside a gym.
And now?
Now...
I don't want to go yet.
Come here.
Christian,all you need to understand right now is that you're never really going to die.
And it's not because of our practice that we've built up or a son we raised.
It's the stories.
Right?
I'm gonna be telling christian troy stories for decades.
You'll live on forever through me.
Now,come on.Buy me lunch.
No,I gotta-- I gotta head back to the office and start writing my vows.
"I've done a lot of things I'm not proud of in my life,but proposing to you isn't one of them.
" for god's sake.
You gotta help me out here.
Listen to this gibran poem.
I think I'm gonna use it.It's so beautiful.
Ok.
"Love one another make not a bond of love--" Lizzie,honey,surprise me,ok?
I'm the one who needs the help here.This is not my thing.
Writing wedding vows.
Ok.Look,just make it simple and heartfelt.
You know?
Just one simple sentence.
That's all you need.
Ok.
We couldn't help ourselves.
On the contrary.
You helped yourselves and then some.
It's like we're dying.
Like...
we're corpses without the blood.
I get it,I get it.
You want to live forever.
Are you going to report us?
Nope.
Last call,though.
One more for the road,then get your scary asses out of here.
baby.
I hope we don't get a walk-in.
It's only 3:00 A.M.
Baby,if you want to play doctor,you can't be one all the time.
I'll tell you what I want to be.
Way down south in dixie.
let me air out before you go down.
That's it,baby.
That's it.Take it in,honey.Take it in.
Now,give me some.Give me some.Give me some.
'Cause you know how hard it makes my dick.
And don't be stingy with it.
Come on,baby.Lie down on the table.
-Ready?-god.
Give it to me,baby.
Give it to me.
Yes.
That's it,darling.
Take it all in.
What are you doing?
You poor fool.
Why'd you have to fall in love with me?
What the?
Here.
Let me.
You'd think you'd never been through this before.
Yeah,we all know how that turned out.
Guess we know how this one will turn out,too,huh?
And they all lived happily ever after for at least 6 months.
Christian,you don't have to do this.
-I'll be there for you.-I know.
This is right.I love lizzie.
She's a great girl.
She's great with wilber.
I have to think about the future,you know.
-How about you?-What do you mean?
Am I gonna leave this world with you a confirmed bachelor,
or are you gonna seal the deal with teddy?
who the hell knows?
She's been away so much lately.
Well,look at the bright side,she's probably got enough frequent flyer points to
send the two of you to the great barrier reef.
It's time.
Ok.
Come here.
You were right,I was an asshole.
I'm sorry.
I got at least 2 months to figure that stuff out,right?
Yeah.
Ok.
You two ready to get me to the church on time?
Yeah?
You invited kimber?
She didn't need an invitation.
It's a church,they welcome everybody,especially whores.It's big in the bible.
Sorry.
Linda,do I look like a bride?
You look gorgeous.
Just start walking.
Would you look at that?
Father,you have made the bond of marriage a holy mystery,
a symbol of christ's love for his church.
You were born together,and together you shall be forever more.
You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.
Liz cruz,I will love you for the rest of my life.
If any person here can show just and sufficient reason why these 2 persons may not be joined together in matrimony,
let them declare their reasons now or from this time forward,keep their peace.
Kimber,sit down!
Excuse me,I'm sorry.
By the authority vested in me by the state of california,
i now pronounce you husband and wife.
I'm gonna eat spaghetti.
You are?
That sounds good to me.
So,how do you say "ice cream" in italian?
-Gelato.-Gelato?
You're too good.
High-five.
Ok.
Ok,is everybody ready and zipped?
Are these the books you want to take with you on the plane?
Yeah.
All right.
-Hubby,are we gonna have to pay extra for your luggage?-No,no,no.
While you guys are out eating gelato,I'm gonna shop for a whole new wardrobe.
Can I call you mommy now?
Yes,you can.
Ok,but we got to hurry up.
-We got only 5 minutes to go before they come.-Ok.
Let's go.
Yeah?
-Dr. Troy,this is dr. Moss.-Hello,doc.
Listen,I know you're disappointed that I'm not doing anymore treatments,
but here's the deal,I just got married and I'm on my way to my honeymoon in less than 5 minutes.
Actually,I'm--I'm calling about something else.
Because of the new hepa laws,we've been using patient I.D.Numbers instead of names.
When another patient,mrs. Glendening,surprised us with an unexpected downturn this week,
we rechecked her blood work.
Cut to the chase,doc.
What,am I gonna kick the bucket sooner than I thought?
Our lab tech inadvertently switched your I.D. Numbers.
Your results were labeled as hers and vice versa.
Long story short,mrs. Glendening's bad news is your good fortune.
Your cancer is in remission,dr. Troy.
I wish you and your bride a long and happy life together.
Christian,they're here.
Can you call him back from the car?